Friday, 30 December 2011


It’s that time of year again, isn’t it? Looking back at the past year, slightly dejectedly. It’s always the same. It feels like I’m standing at that crossroads towards a brave new world whilst turning around, looking back at the year before which quite frankly has been a bit of a letdown. I’ve eaten too much, drank too much, weigh to much, watched too much crap TV, done too little, wasted my time and the small opportunities that came my way, plodded, coasted and generally didn’t get any further forward than the previous year. 

Do you feel like that too? No? Just me then.

I’ve done it so many times before, it’s like a bad habit isn’t it. I’ve made resolutions and written lists of how I’m going to make this next year more fulfilling, more worthwhile and generally better than the previous year or indeed the previous umpteen years. I've told myself that this year is going to be THE year where things change for the better. I’m not talking about my marriage or my children all that's fine and for that I am grateful and thankful. No, I wouldn’t change those things; well maybe I’d change the youngest one and get him to sleep through the night until a more human hour of 7:00am perhaps. No, I’m talking about me personally, me as an individual, not as a wife or mother but just as me. My list normally includes a combination of the following each year.

Be healthy
Start exercising
Learn to run
Loose weight
Drink less
Stop smoking
Sort my career out
Change jobs
Do something enjoyable & worthwhile
Move abroad
Make more money so I can stop working
Be confident
Be assertive
Don’t be a pushover
Say what I mean and take no crap
Be decisive
Be creative
Take photos and make a scrapbook
Keep a diary
Stay calm and relax
Be happy
Live for the moment

I even had the audacity one year to resolve to write a novel. Yes a novel, me the dyslexic. Hilarious! Oh yes I was very enthusiastic about this resolution. I actually wrote about 25,000 words, still have it somewhere. This was going to be the thing that would get me out the shitty job I detested at the time, the job that was making be bloody miserable. This was going to be my “get of out jail card.” Hmmmmmmm, maybe not.

Standing in that space between the old year and the new year, there is always a feeling of positivity, optimism, a clean slate, and a new start. It’s a nice feeling isn’t it? It is comforting to have my list, my plan, my enthusiasm, my hope and my security blanket to start the new year. There is always a will to change things and to live up to my potential, whatever my potential maybe.

My resolution for 2012?

To stop writing stupid bloody lists!

Happy New Year.